


the memoir of a broken-hearted spare

by sweetsindle



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Character Development, Demons, Developing Friendships, Elizabeth Midford POV, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hostage Situations, Hurt/Comfort, Lizzy eventually offically has to choose between R!Ciel and O!Ciel, Lizzy feels horrible, Lizzy saves O!Ciel from his own insanity, O!Ciel POV, O!Ciel is eventually saved by Lizzy, R!Ciel has bad intentions, RCMT, RCMT is canon, Real Ciel Mastermind Theory, Sebastian is an asshole, Takes after most recent Canon, eventual cielizzy, main is tramutized, mental abuse caused by R!Ciel, rape mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2020-07-28 16:56:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20067415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetsindle/pseuds/sweetsindle
Summary: ʟᴀᴛᴇʟʏ, ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪɴ ᴀsᴛᴇʀ ᴘʜᴀɴᴛᴏᴍʜɪᴠᴇ's ʟɪғᴇ ʜᴀs ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴄʀᴀsʜɪɴɢ ᴅᴏᴡɴ, ᴀʟʟ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏғ ʜɪs ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ's ʀᴇᴛᴜʀɴ. ʜᴇ ʀᴇғʟᴇᴄᴛs ᴏɴ ʜɪs ʟᴏssᴇs, ᴇsᴘᴇᴄɪᴀʟʟʏ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ ʟᴏᴠᴀʙʟᴇ ʙʟᴏɴᴅᴇ.





	1. unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Apologies for the short chapters at the beginning of this fic! I had just been getting used to writing seriously again, so it was a challenge for me to even get out this many chapters, let alone make them make sense for the canon of the manga! 
> 
> \- apologies if I make O!Ciel (called Aster) a bit too OOC, but I'm trying to maybe explore what he'd be like if he decided to be a bit more open. After all, I personally think that in the manga, he's been keeping it in for way, way too long, to the point where I think it's super unhealthy- I mean, seriously. In that one chapter when he finishes stress-eating and ranting about his older brother, he finishes it all up by proclaiming "The name/title 'Earl Ciel Phantomhive', belongs to me!" -- instead of realizing that "hey, it's me now- I don't have to play someone I'm not, and continue to put up this act, all those years were MINE, and not Ciel's," etc etc. 
> 
> Think of TMOABHS as a sort of ""alternate-reality"" or ""what-if"" scenario for the canon of the Kuroshitsuji manga!
> 
> I plan for many regular updates, along with longer chapters, so if you're interested, subscribe and I can't wait to continue to update and I apologize for all the rambling!
> 
> \- Arianna

_Broken._

_ Confused._

** _ Alone._ **

** _ Unloved._ **

** _ Unwanted._ **

These were all the things that thirteen-year-old Aster Phantomhive could think about as he sat with his loyal demon butler, Sebastian, and one of his only allies left in the world; Lau, his heart heavy with despair and confusion, completely lost within the world. For the past few days, the three had been plotting and planning against his big brother, Ciel, who had come back only four days prior to reclaim his title and position as Earl of Phantomhive, as well as assert his dominance to his little, 'frail' brother. When he had come back, Ciel had taken everything from him.

His so-called 'friends', allies, family, and hell- even the entire damning nation against him, all in one night! He had been stripped of his Earldom, lost all of his belongings, his manor, his hard work, his company, his.....Family.

His support.

His love.

His Everything.

Ciel just had to come back, and steal all that away from him, didn't he? He had to take away the only 'happiness' he had left in this world before that blasted demon of his would swallow his soul in exchange for revenge...And worst of all? The entire time, all the friends he made, the bonds he had created, everything he had done- It all belonged to Ciel.

Everything.

_ Everything was Ciel's,_ even in death. His home, friends, family, company, **EVERYTHING.**

But that wasn't even the worst part... Not only had Ciel taken all that, but he had also taken something....No, someone, that he had come to realize that was the most important thing in his pathetic life. The only person that could truly make him smile joyfully again. The only person that could make his heart race and flutter in anticipation of their arrival. The only person that could make him sing. The only person that could make him dance. The only person that had made him feel like him. The only person that had ever made him happy. The girl that had stolen his heart........

_What was her name again....?_

_ Oh, that's right...._

_ **Lizzy.** _

But...She doesn't love me anymore- no, she never has...She's only ever loved one of us, and that had always been Ciel.....

To her, I'm nothing...Nothing more than his stupid spare..... A horrible liar, really. I've always hated it, really.....Whenever she runs to me happily, envelops me in one of her wonderful hugs, and dots my face with those kisses of her's.....

Only to be called by HIS name. I'm selfish. Can't you tell? All I've ever wanted was for her to run to _ME_ happily, envelopes _ME_ in one of her wonderful hugs, and dots _MY_ face with those kisses of her's. I want it to be all about _ME_, never about _HIM._ But she'll never love me.

_ For I am **nothing** more than **his** **spare.**_


	2. crushed

The poor, quiet boy would sit there, on one of Lau's many couches, as he contemplated his many, many thoughts clouding his brain.

The child, in all honesty, had no idea what he was going to do anymore.

His horrible brother had taken every little thing he had, laughing all the way.

_He was the liar....?_

_Ciel was a liar._

He promised that he wouldn't get in trouble, that it'd be alright...That he wouldn't be blamed for a thing...That...Ciel......Loved him.....He promised dammit, he PROMISED.

And what did he do....?

He let him get thrown away.

_Blamed._

_Chewed out._

Beaten up.

Everyone in London believed that he was the culprit of the murders of Sphere Music Hall, as well as planned to come back as Ciel for horrible, unknown reasons.

_Why would they blame him?_ _A child....?_

_Did they have nothing better to do than tear him apart...?_

He wanted nothing more than to curl up into a ball and die.

_It hurt._

So fucking badly.

Why did everyone leave him?

Most importantly, why did the so-called love of his life throw him away, too...? He shared things that he hadn't dared to tell other than Sebastian...Things he was terrified to say because he was afraid of what people would say.

_But of course, SHE never cared for that._

_SHE loved 'me'._

Wanted 'him' to be happy...

_I protected her, loved her-_

_And for what?_

_For nothing....?_

_Oh dear, what did she think of him now...?_


	3. dwindling

The small child, the former earl, had obeyed her when she had asked him to step away from the door, to get to him.

Shaking and terrified, he'd do exactly as he was asked to.

He was terrified out of his mind, wasn't he?

_Was she even really here....?_

_Was this all a dream?_

For the past several days, all he had ever wanted was nothing more than to see her again. To envelope her in a hug, and apologize for everything he had ever done, no matter how little.

From when he was a little boy, and she wanted, for once, to play with him and he had declined, holding his favorite stuffed rabbit away from her, in his tiny arms.

She only ever wants to play with Ciel. She's only talking to me because Ciel is busy, and can't play with her- she doesn't like me, not at all! Only Ciel! Ciel, Ciel, Ciel! That's what it'll only ever be. I'm nothing to her, just a dumb spare- just like how I am to everyone else!

_All the way from when 'it' had happened._

_When I had become Ciel for everyone else's sake._

_How foolish am I...?_

_Most importantly, I hurt Lizzy..._

_I should have just died._

_I hate that blasted, stupid demon._

_He never planned to be fair from the start._

_He likes to see me suffer._

_He likes to belittle me._

_He likes to make my life hell._

_He doesn't care for me._

_Oh, what I'd give to never summon him._

_Just like everyone else that 'claimed' to adore me so when I was I was Ciel._

_Ciel._

_Ciel._

_I hate Ciel._

The thought ringed in the boy's ears, seemingly neverending.

_He hurt me._

_He took my happiness away._

_He gets everything._

_I gave him life._

_Success._

_Pride._

_Wealth._

_Happiness._

_A happy Lizzy._

_I gave Ciel everything, to make him happy._

_But what does that blasted Ciel do with everything I've given him?_

_Threw me away._

_Let me take the blame._

_It hurts._

_I want to cry._

_._

_._

_._

_Lizzy is going to hurt me too. _


	4. repressed depression

_'I don't love him'_

_'I only love Aster'_

Was all the tiny former earl heard before she wrapped his arms around the younger boy? His heart racing, scared and confused...Terrified even, the child would shake his head, grabbing ahold of a chair nearby and pulling himself free.

"Liar...."

The boy whispered softly, refusing to even simply look up at the girl that owned his heart.

"You don't love me. Y-You only love Ciel. That's who you only ever loved...That's who everyone loves...Ciel. Not Aster. No one loves Aster.....Everyone hates Aster....They t-threw him away, and let him t-take t-he blame...."

The child whispered, as if in a trance, practically staring into nothingness as he shook with pure fear and hurt.

"Aster is nothing to everyone...Aster i-is the spare.....Ciel is everything...Ciel is the earl...Aster d-d-id everything for Ciel, so Ciel w-w-ould have a good life....Aster thought Ciel deserved h-happiness...S-S-o Aster gave him everything that h-he had...."

_Aster is nothing._

_Aster isn't loved._

_Lizzy loves Ciel._

_Never Aster._

_Aster. Is. Nothing._

"Aster g-gave him a company, respect, h-happiness, wealth, a-a happy domain...A happy Lizzy.....B-But Ciel didn't care what Aster did...Ciel doesn't care that Aster loved him...Ciel doesn't care....H-He doesn't care...N-No one does...."

_I am nothing._

_Everyone hates me._

_I'm not Ciel._

_I'm Aster._

"Aster was never l-loved.....H-He's the s-s-pare.....A-A- bloody criminal....An m-murderer- e-e-veryone i-is out to use and a-a-buse h-im, j-just like before......."

.

.

.

.

"Everyone loves Ciel. Ev-eryone hates Aster."


	5. confessional

  
"I-I know, Lizzy...And i-it....I-I know how badly you wish to help and p-protect but you can't...No one, absolutely no one can s-s-ave me...Lizzy, didn't you h-ear me....?"

He'd ask, not even bothering to wipe his ever-flowing tears away after Lizzy had told him that she was going to protect him, no matter the cost...Promising that she'd never, ever let anything bad ever get to the younger- that she'd be his knight. She had asked him what his soul had anything to do with being on the run from the Yard, his brother, and overall- the entire nation...Clearly beyond confused.

He'd stare at her, shaking his head before practically yanking off his eyepatch, and slowly, yet shakily, opened his left eye...Only to reveal not a scar, not a burn, or even an empty hole....

But a whole, perfectly healthy eye.

Only that instead of the other eye's beautiful sapphire, it was a lovely amethyst...With a dimly-lit pentagram in the middle.

"I-I sold my s-s-oul in exchange for revenge, th-hose three years ago...I was s-s-o scared and desperate...F-F-or any fucking way out of t-that hell hole...People came to our home, and killed everyone....Mother, Father.....Our dog, all the staff. everyone....."

He'd take a deep breath, mentally preparing himself to give his answer, after Lizzy had asked what had happened, during that month when he and his elder brother had been missing. A thousand thoughts raced through the younger's head as he gathered couraged to finally tell, though he doubted he wouldn't regret it afterward.

"They took Ciel and I away...We were sold to a man who fed, cleaned and clothed us....I thought w-w-e were saved, but I was wrong...S-S-o fucking wrong- he took us to a 'party', and t-they.....H-Hurt us s-s--so b-adly....They raped us for hours and t-then they branded us, j-just like animals...."

He'd confess like a waterfall, starting to sob.

"T-Then they p-put us in cages, w-ith other children....T-They beat, tortured, r-raped and ex-x-perimented on us for that month...A-A-nd then, that d-d-ay came.....They t-t-ook Ciel away, to an alter.......A-A-nd t-hey killed him...L-Lizzy, C-iel is a monster- he's d-ead, d-d-ead, dead! G-one and murdered, r-r-ight b-efore my eyes...!"

He told her, sobbing hysterically as an ocean of tears streamed down his cheeks, as Lizzy listened, her eyes wide with shock and horror, staring at the younger boy, not knowing what to say as she listened to him, her hands holding his as he spoke, letting him squeeze her hands as hard as he wanted to, not once bringing it up that it ached- she didn't care.

_Ciel is all gone._

** _Dead._ **

** _Gone._ **

"With him, t-t-hey summoned a-a demon...H-He came t-o me and said I p-ayed my way to use him.....S-So I-I made a deal- t-t-o hurt everyone t-t-hat hurt Ciel and I....To make t-t-hem suffer the pain and embarrassment w-w-e did, for taking everything from us! His service helping me find them, a-a-and to discover why they did, and t-then I'd be t-t-he one to end them....H-His payment...."

_I feel numb._

_My heart hurts._

The child would collapse, sobbing harder.

"I-Is m-my soul.......I-I'm so fucking sorry f-f-or being s-s-o horrible.....P-Please f-f-orgive me, Lizzy!"

_I'm pathetic._

_I hate myself._

_I caused so many people pain._

_ **I deserve what's coming to me.** _


	6. hopeless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ᴀ/ɴ: ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ, ɪɴ ᴛʜɪs ғɪᴄ (sᴏ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ɪs ᴄᴏʜᴇʀᴇɴᴛ - ɪ ғᴏʀɢᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛʜɪs ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ) ʀᴄᴍᴛ ɪs ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ.

Sebastian stood in front of the sobbing teen, a soft smirk on his lips as he'd watch her cry out in agony as she learned the truth- and connected the dots together, not knowing what to feel except pure hatred, as his *pathetic* young master cried like an infant on its first day of life.

"Why....?"

The demon, flashing his blood-red eyes with cat-like slits for the first time in front of her (Elizabeth), unable to contain that smile of his.

"He needed a way out of that hell those humans put him through, didn't he...? Without me, you do realize that...That pathetic little fiancee of your's would have died of both the heartbreak of losing that puny older brother of his, and after that...Being sacrificed, sharing the same fate as Ciel Phantomhive...."

Sebastian could say, trying to contain his laughter as he watched the pathetic couple, as Aster's love spit curses at the older being, screaming with pure fury and hatred for the demon, simply shaking his head as he'd listen to her worthless threats and insults.

"No matter what you do Miss Elizabeth, I shall make sure to claim my reward, just as my master promised he'd give me- servants ought to receive their rewards, he said...And there’s no way in hell I'm going unrewarded for all this work...."

He'd say as Aster laid there, sobbing gently, curled up in a ball as Sebastian came in the room, pushing past Lizzy like she was a rag doll.

"Hm...I was right- you really are simply pathetic, aren't you, Master...? You try to act so hard to be the adult that you obviously aren't, only to crumble down to that of a sobbing, annoying, bratty child....Just like how I met you- crying up a storm after you lost your horrible older brother....Why did you cry for him so, Master? You know what he did to you, all those years ago....."

Aster shook his head, shaking, not wanting to remember what his older brother had done to him, years before, continuously.

"He poisoned you all the time, didn't he....? He loved seeing you so sick and helpless...The only person being able to be with you and comfort you...Take care of yourself..."

"N-No, NO! C-Ciel w-w-ould never h-urt me like that, you b-b-loody lia-"

"You remember, don't you...? Your milk tasted_ funny_ whenever Ciel gave it to you..._Too sweet_, right....? _**Too sweet to be honey**.......?"_

_ **"S-S-HUT UP, Y-Y-OU DISGUSTING, OOZING SORE OF DEPRAV-"** _

"He was obsessed with causing you pain....Agony.....Sickness...Just so you two could be together, _forever_...So you'd have no choice to stay with him, ever since you were small...So you could never leave his side, hm...?.... He was so obsessed, that he-"

"S-S-top....P-Please...."

~

"You _really_ looked forward to that boating trip, didn't you...? a shame he took that happiness away from you, just like always....._Ciel has to have everything_, doesn't he....?"


	7. cursed future

** _Pathetic._ **

Was all Elizabeth Midford and Aster Phantomhive were to a distinguished demon such as a certain Sebastian Michaelis, as he continued to listen to the girl’s senseless curses, as if they could actually affect him in some, stupid way. She was clearly not all there, as she continued her ramblings, soon crawling to her fiance, and enveloping the younger in her arms, and letting him rest in her lap as Sebastian watched, shaking his head.

The butler would roll his eyes in disgust at her actions before smirking, knowing that even though he'd have to stick around for a while, he'd still win in the end, no matter what the pair of brats decided what they could try to stop the younger teen’s eventual, horrible fate.

A hopeless, strong-tempered, lovesick girl like Elizabeth was completely powerless to save his sorry excuse of a master.

He'd turn a heal, doing what was ordered before leaving to discuss more things with Lau, sighing in annoyance.

She was determined to keep him how she wanted to protect Aster, but she failed to remember that he was a powerfully dangerous demon.

All of her feeble attempts to 'save' Aster were fruitless.

~

All Aster could do was listen.

His body, mind- everything hurt

Everything ached in a way.

He felt hopeless.

_Powerless._

_Numb._

He had forgotten what those felt like, he realized, as his dear Lizzy held him close.

He'd sob quietly in her arms, his head and heart-pounding as she told him that all she ever wished to do was to see him smile...And that she should have been happy that he had been with her at all.

He didn't know what to say to her, the girl he adored so dearly.

In all truth, he too wanted to smile again...Happily.

_But with his cursed future, could he **ever?**_


	8. wishful runaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: ʜᴇʀᴇ, ɪ ᴅᴇᴄɪᴅᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴅɪғғᴇʀᴇɴᴛ- ʟɪᴢᴢʏ's ᴘᴏᴠ! ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜɪɴᴋ ɪᴛ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ʙᴇᴛᴛᴇʀ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴡɪᴛᴄʜ ɪᴛ ᴜᴘ, ᴇᴠᴇʀ ɴᴏᴡ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴅᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀs ᴘᴏᴠ's ʙᴇsɪᴅᴇs ᴏᴄɪᴇʟ's, ᴏʀ ᴊᴜsᴛ sᴛɪᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴏᴄɪᴇʟ's? ɪ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏᴠ ᴡɪᴛʜ sᴇʙᴀsᴛɪᴀɴ ᴡᴀs ʀᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴇsᴛɪɴɢ!

~

_“I love you too..."_

Aster would say to the love of his life in a soft whisper, absentmindedly snuggling to get as he felt his eyes droop with tiredness, as she held him close, promising the younger that they’d make it, even though she knew that they...Er, he, wouldn’t. But in Lizzy's opinion, a world without Aster was a world she wouldn’t want to be in.

~

She had wanted to take her love, and run far, far away with him in tow, far away from all the monsters, all the bad people…

The painful reality was too much for the older girl.

She knew that he had no chance of making it out _alive._

Even if her love had just a few days left, she wanted him to have a wonderful last.

She wanted to pick flowers and make her prince a flower crown.

She wanted to hold her prince by the hand, and watch the clouds with him!

She wanted to play hide n’ seek with him!

Being together, and having a better life ...That's all Lizzy wanted. She wanted nothing more than to pick her little prince up, and carry him far, far away from this hell. To go to a place where they could play together, forever, just like the inner children in her ...And maybe even him wanted.

Maybe then, she could give him the childhood he never had.

Oh, how sweet and ignorant her thoughts sounded….

"I'm r-eally tired, Lizzy..."

He whispered softly, the last of the tears he had falling beautifully as he spoke to her, enjoying her warmth.

They'd be there like that for what seemed like forever, in each other's arms, safe from harm's way, and in each other's grasp....

At least there was a little bit of happiness there.

"I want to run away from everything...from this mess, from Sebastian, from everyone...If I didn't have this contract, I could run as far as I'd like from this stupid place, and we could be together..."

The child mused, smiling softly as he felt himself growing more tired.

"We could play, too...I never got to play outside as Ciel could...If we ran away, I could play just like him...."

He'd giggle softly, adorably, just like the child he was.

"Wouldn't that be splendid, Lizzy...? We could play together for as long as we liked without all those horrible, disgusting adults that want to take advantage of us...We could be free of everything."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"If I could live any life, Lizzy, if want that one."

~

_ **It was nice to know that even after everything, we both have the same wishes….** _


	9. sleepy sweetheart

  
It was late the next afternoon when Aster had finally woken up again.

After Lau found the young couple, he had been kind enough to help Lizzy and Aster to another room where they could sleep for the night, or however long they had needed to- which in all honesty, he felt like it would be a while...And if it was...Well, the Chinese man was trying to figure out if he should give them some type of work to do...? If he did, he should make sure it wasn't serving, like before ...Who knew the former Earl could be so clumsily and utterly useless?

One of Lau's workers came in and dressed them both in fresh nightclothes- and put them both in the same bed, Aster was already fast asleep as he was laid down carefully next to her.

Lizzy would sit there, lost in her own thoughts as she played with her long, wavy golden hair which she had let down a bit earlier.

In all honesty?

She was worried.

No......That wasn't the correct word choice....

More like terrified!

After all, her fiance, the love of her life was practically being targeted by all of Britain for """stealing""" his elder brother's identity, tax fraud, and most ridiculous of all, all the deaths caused by the bloody Sphere Music Hall (no pun intended)!

Who on earth could be so evil as to push all those charges on Aster, who wasn't only traumatized, to begin with from that one month, but he was still barely a teenager as it was- he was a child!

Honestly, she couldn't help but not only be furious at herself for accusing him of being a liar earlier, but also not standing up for him when no one else had, when he was accused of everything- especially when that disgusting, horrible man, Skye Blavat, had accused Aster of being Lord Sirius!

_....Especially when 'Lord Sirius' happened to be that horrible ex of mine, Ciel. Looking back, yes, he was a wonderful friend back then, and he truly loved and cared for me ...But this is too far ...It's disgusting. I won't stand for this anymore. I can't believe I ever did. I'm despicable. _

How Ciel was acting, was nothing like Ciel she knew, all those years ago...From what she heard from Mama and Papa, when they had talked with Ciel after Aster and his servants successfully ran away, Ciel (and Undertaker) had been acting insanely suspicious! Mama had said that honestly if she were able to hear Aster's side ...Even if she couldn't, she felt like Aster would tell them the truth, and tell them whatever the hell was actually happening, rather than continuing to cover up, and (ironically) lie, lie, lie!

Somehow, she didn't know how it had happened, not even in the slightest, but after what seemed like centuries of being lost in her thoughts, Lizzy finally drifted off to sleep...

~

The next day, late in the morning, Lizzy would be awoken to have breakfast by one of Lau's workers, to which Aster was simply allowed to sleep the entire time...For obvious reasons...

She felt insanely guilty leaving him, but she knew that he needed to rest...Lizzy wondered the last time he had even found time to sit down, let alone sleep- she had never seen someone with bags under his eyes as heavy, or as dark as his!

Throughout breakfast, she'd find herself rushing as fast as she could, even accidentally spilling some jam on her nightgown! After twenty minutes of painstakingly sitting through breakfast, and having to be in the same room as a disgusting, repulsive demon (Sebastian), she quickly thank Lau for the food, sneak a couple pieces of bacon and a slice of buttered toast on a small plate, and forgetting to curtsy- all before rushing off to her love.

Soon enough, she'd race back to the room they were put in, only to see that Aster was still curled up in bed, fast asleep with what Lizzy would consider a 'cute' smile on his face.

Lizzy gently put the food she had snuck up for him to eat on a nearby nightstand, before crawling into bed and taking a seat next to him with a soft grin on her petal-pink lips.

He, for the first time in forever seemed...Happy.

_He looks adorable._

.

.

.

.

.

_Oh, how Lizzy adored that smile of his._


	10. whispers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aster has woken up from what seemed like the absolute longest night of his life, thanks to Lizzy's sudden emersion into his life, and Sebastian's terrifying threats...Hopefully, today will be much better.

"Oh, Aster! You're awake!" Chimed a certain green-eyed girl, with a soft smile on her face.

Aster tiredly opened his currently bleary eyes, letting out a sleepy yawn, as he sat up. Lizzy giggled, noticing the state of his usually neat hair was now in a messily-cute state, trying her best not to say anything on the matter (it felt impossible not to, but she didn't want to irritate him). 

"I suppose so..." he muttered softly, gently rubbing his eyes before looking back up at Lizzy, swinging his slender legs over the side of the bed and getting up. He flexed his fingers and stretched for a few seconds (like an adorable, sleepy kitten taking a nap in the afternoon sun - Lizzy's opinion) and sat back down. 

In all honesty, today, he didn't feel like getting up at all and facing that bloody demon, and everyone else. Just thinking about it made him want to curl up into a tiny ball and die - after all, what happened yesterday was the very definition of a train wreck. From Lizzy coming in general (and thinking that he was LITERALLY going to die because she was possibly mad at him), to Sebastian threatening them both, and finally, to waking up LIKE THIS - IN A WOMAN'S ARM, while they were only ENGAGED (he doubted they still were, but it was nice to dream)! 

He was NOT ready for anything that had to do with coming out the bedroom door, and he felt like Lizzy knew. Just the way that she looked at him, and held his hands made him feel like she knew everything, and it was terrifying. 

Speaking of terrifying, he didn't know what to do with himself, now that she was fully aware of his and high big brother's situation. I mean, seriously. Everything that happened to them sounded unbelievable, and like it had been a plotline in a second-rate horror novel. 

Sometimes even HE didn't know how he coped with his situation, let alone other people - Lizzy especially. Don't get him wrong, he was beyond grateful that she even still loved a horrible human being such as he, but if it weren't for Ciel, would she had ever even believed him in the first place?

"Look, I got some breakfast for you...You missed it because you were really tired, and no one wanted to wake you up," she told him with a warm smile, carefully grabbing the plate that she had brought up with her, just in case if he was hungry when he woke up. "Please eat some...Your already very skinny as it is, and I don't want you to get sick!"

It was obvious on all account that Lizzy was terrified about what on earth could possibly happen next, as soon as the day started. In the back of her head, she was sure that he had a plethora of things to do that day that involved ratting out or getting rid of his older brother...Which still, even after much thought, had no idea how to even feel about.

She had spent so much time believing that she was madly in love with Ciel, and on top that, before that month...The month that practically tore everyone apart...She and he had spent every second together. But even then, he was dead. Just walking, talking corpse, according to the likes of Aster, Lau, and Sebastian, so did feelings and memories of that past even matter anymore?

Absentmindedly, the girl handed Aster the food that she had brought up for him with a tired smile on her face. He thanked her with a sigh and began to eat. Lizzy soon got up out of bed and went to the closet, where Lau had promised clothes for the two would be when they were both up, and ready for the day.

Lizzy fished around for a while, ignoring most of the dresses, due to their unmistakable shortness. Blushing even harder as she looked through many more dresses, wanting nothing more than to find at least ONE DRESS that didn't end at above her knees- the indecency! 

"Oh dear, oh dear... Aster! Tell your friend that if he's planning on letting ladies borrow dresses or whatever of the sort while their here, in a situation like this, to have something more than...." She pulled out a flowery, cream-orange china doll dress with a keyhole, that most likely ended well above her knees, "THIS!"

Upon seeing the dress, the boy would groan, facepalming. "Am I even bloody surprised with this man...? I'll talk to him, after this, alright?" He got up, placing his plate down on the nightstand, heading to the closet. Among the outfits that he was given to wear (thank God Sebastian had convinced him to stop trying with the dress bull-), was the china doll dresses that his fiancee' had been talking about.

Indeed, there was literally nothing but those dresses, and those dresses alone for Lizzy to wear, which infuriated Aster to no end. After a while of thinking, he pulled out a couple of outfits that seemed like they were too big for him ( Lau had to get them all last minute, so it was unsurprising that a few of them didn't fit) and set them down on the bed. "If your alright with wearing boy's clothes, you can wear these until someone can get you decent clothes...Depending on how long you stay here."

Lizzie stared at the clothes in surprise for a split second, before scooping them up, and heading off to the bathroom to get ready and change, "Well, at least I won't look like a prostitute anymore..." she mumbled with a sigh, closing the door.

As she changed, Aster ate and finished up his food. He would quickly get dressed before Lizzy got out of the bathroom, taking a seat on the bed. He waited for several minutes, a book on his lap from a nearby bookshelf that he had been reading since he had gotten there only weeks prior. 

Reading the book, the boy let his mind wander. He wondered when Lizzy would leave...And if she did, what would happen. He was terrified, really. What if she ratted him out? What if the police found out where he was? What if - 

"I don't know how I was expecting this to feel, but this is by far the strangest thing I've worn in my life!" Lizzy said with a slight smile, her old clothes in a bundle in her arms, gently placing them on a nearby armchair, before taking a seat next to Aster. "Are you alright? This morning you've been really quiet..."

"I...I'm sorry. I'm just a bit worried - no, terrified, of everything at the moment. These past few weeks have been a complete nightmare, and I don't know what to do anymore..." he confessed, setting the book aside, as Lizzy sat a bit closer towards him. "I know it seems hard right now, but I know that we'll get through it, alright?"

"But what if we don't? Right now, as far as I'm concerned, we're at odds with the bloody world, with no chance of a future. I sealed my fate three years ago, and there's no way that I or you could ever change that, and I'm sorry...But It was the only way for me to ever come home..."

"I know, but please, just humor me, even if it's for a second?"

Taking a deep breath, Aster closed his mismatched eyes, and looked back to the blonde, giving her a slight nod. "I guess so...But I doubt this is going to solve anything." 

"Maybe...But stranger things have happened. I've done my fair share of reading about the supernatural!" Lizzy confessed with a shyly-confident grin, getting up, and grabbing the bag that she came with. Opening it, she pulled out a beautiful, white-leather-bond book with a golden wing in the cover. 

Aster stared at the book in shock for a second before snatching it out of Lizzy's hands and flipping through the pages with wide eyes. "Lizzy, where the hell did you get this from? Sebastian told me about three books - one of them being this one...The Angel Journal. There's only a few copies of them that exist in a few of the Six Realities...One of them being the Third, the Human Reality...How did you find this - scratch that, where did you get it?!"

Lizzy shrugged, a smirk appearing on the teen's lips before she snagged a strand of her honey-blonde hair, gently toying with it. "Let's just say, for the past several weeks I've been doing lots of research. At first, I wanted to find it because I wanted to save Ciel, but after everything...I can't do that anymore. If I could save anyone..."

Realizing what she was about to say, Aster started to shake his head, his heart pounding. "O-Oh Lizzy..." The boy stuttered, shocked that she had ever even gone this far to- 

_"I want nothing more than to save you, Aster."_


	11. with you, honey, there's always hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Lizzy reveals that she's gone through the trouble of searching and successfully finding one of the few existing copies of the Angel Journal, in hopes of rescuing her beloved beau, Aster, she makes a point of promising him that they'll get through it.
> 
> I mean, with the promises of successfully attracting an Angel, surely there's hope! - Let's just hope Sebastian won't get in the way.

"You want to save me? But...why? I mean, I know why, but..." Aster asked, his arms crossed as he stared at the blonde in utter confusion. "You do realize that there's much, much better things - or people, for that matter, that you could use this for?"

"Oh, but Aster, I-"

"Lizzy, I don't care what you say or think, how will this even work on me? Not only am I damned to bloody fuck all, but I also have Sebastian up my arse! - I'm sure whatever Ange you summon wouldn't want anything to do with anyone like me! I know I said I would listen, but really thinking about it, I'm not so sure, and I don't want to-"

"But-"

"Like I told you, I'm-"

_ **"ASTER, SHUT UP!"** _

The room immediately fell into a deep, deserting silence. 

Aster sat there, looking at Lizzy in absolute shock and disbelief. 

After what seemed like an eternity of nothing but uncomfortable silence with tension so thick you could cut it with a knife, Lizzy finally spoke up.

"You promised you'd listen to me, you miserable thing! Is this how you always treat people who want to help you?" Lizzy asked, her eye practically twitching in annoyance, as she took the book back, flipping to a specific page.

"I'm sorry, I'm just...nervous...scared, honestly..." Aster admitted, letting out a shaky sigh as Lizzy looked up from the book, all forms of irritation washed away - especially once she noticed just how unlike himself he seemed to be-

_'How, unlike himself? What are you talking about, Lizzy? You barely know him at all! He felt like he had to hide from everyone for the past three years!'_ She thought, finally getting to a specified page. "It's fine, Aster. I shouldn't have snapped at you, as I did. It was awful rude of me, and I should be the one apologizing to you."

The younger teen shrugged softly, awkwardly looking up at the older girl. "But still, you went through all this trouble...look, are you sure that this will work? I don't want to put you through something for absolutely nothing!"

"Oh, trust me - this isn't all for naught. I studied this thoroughly back at that horrid Sphere Music Hall. With all that time on my hands, what do you think I was doing?"

"With Ciel?"

"Sometimes, yes. But Bravat, I think his name was, never really liked me being there for long periods," she told him as she took a seat near the boy. "Something about him needing to be fed."

"But if he supposedly just needed to be fed, then why couldn't you be there? Wasn't he getting blood?"

"Alright, take a look here," Lzzy said, suddenly changing the subject, pointing at one of the many paragraphs in the Angel Journal. "Assuming you know a thing or two about the supernatural, angels specifically, you'd know that there are a plethora of angels...The one we need to attract the attention of, specifically, would be a Wishing Angel."

Aster cocked his head to the side, clearly very confused as he leaned over, getting a better look at the page Lizzy was on. "Wishing Angels? What are those...? I heard about a few types before, like the Messenger and Arch Angels, but never Wishing..."

"Oh, gosh, really? I thought you had Sebastian as your teacher?" Lizzy asked, raising a blonde eyebrow. "Besides, there's many more than just those three, anyways. What in the world has Sebastian been teaching you about the supernatural? Has he been lying to you?"

The younger teen shrugged, scratching behind his ear. "Well, he didn't really teach me about heavenly creatures...Mostly just demonic and reapers."

"Demon things, and reapers?"

"Yes - as weird as it sounds, they were...very vital for me to learn about. We ran into supernatural elements and reapers all the time. You know that red-haired freak with the chainsaw?"

"A what saw?"

"A chainsaw - or what she calls it. She's a reaper. Her name is Grelle, and I think she has the hots for Sebastian. It's disgusting. How can you like someone so horrible?"

Lizzy sat there, understandably baffled. "Wait, do you mean that SHE'S A DEATH, GOD?!" she asked her boyfriend, her head whipping to the side and meeting his gaze.

Aster nodded, chuckling softly. "Mhm-hm. It's honestly rather embarrassing how much Sebastian and I run into her, and her co-workers. I'm pretty sure they all bloody despise us at this point. William, especially."

"William?"

"He's Grelle's...And another reaper's boss, Ronald, I think...? And maybe even the other one with the socks and the sandals' boss. Their all quite the strange bunch, if you can imagine."

"Well, remembering what happened on the Campania, I believe you! Those things were terrifying! I never saw such weapons!"

"Well, neither have I...Until I met Grelle." 

Lizzy shrugged, letting out a breath as she flipped yet another page, and pointed to a rather beautifully-detailed drawing of what looked like...a female angel?

"There are female angels?"

"Apparently so, yes." Lizzy nodded, pointing to a wall of text. "Well, only if you accept the words of rare, divine, ancient texts that is. And because you're you, I'm pretty sure you do - always being with a demon and all."

"Fair enough," Aster said with a faint laugh, as Lizzy started to go through and explain the text in her hands.

She explained to him that these specific types of angels, appropriately named Wishing Angels, granted the greatest wish a human had.

Sometimes it was as either as clear as day, others so hard to find that it was locked in the very depths of the human's soul.

The only way to get a wish like this grated was to either attract the Wishing Angels' attention, or them knowing, or wanting to come to you...

sometimes though, it was the cries of your own, very soul that had them coming flying to your aide.

These angels specifically looked like a loving, caring, humanish-being, the only outward differences of wishing angels to humans:

Platinum-blonde hair, almost unreal-seeming amethyst-purple eyes with unnatural pupils, hidden, blinding-white sparkly-Esque fairy wings that looked to be mixed with a dove's, and frosted-white markings that dotted their flawless skin.

"They sound unreal," Aster said, as he took yet another good look at the depiction of a Wishing Angel. "but then again, I suppose that's the point."

Lizzie laughed and nodded, smiling once again as she traced the carefully-etched words that were written on the crisp, white parchment of the stunning-white leather-bound book. "They're beautiful, aren't they? I do hope we can find one that will help us!"

"I...hope so too, I suppose."

Lizzy looked at Aster, giving him an almost-tearful smile. "I'm happy that you think we have a chance to get out of the darkness, Aster. You know, every day that you and I were separated, and I didn't know what had possibly happened to you...I always had hope for you."

"You did?"

"Of course! I wanted you to run far away from this place and make something of yourself...but with Sebastian, Mr. Undertaker, Ciel, and practically everyone and their dog after you, I knew I couldn't just sit back and watch you fail!"

"It would have been fine if you did, this isn't your fight. But I'm thankful for still that someone as lovely and caring as you love me so much. I woke up this morning wondering how I could possibly deserve you, by my side!"

Lizzy giggled softly, a slight pink blush dusting her cheeks. "Oh, dear, of course, you do! And thank you, it means the world. Looking back at how Ciel and I were, while you were away, it was nothing like what we have." 

"Really...? What was it like with the bastard, anyway? Did he even give you the time of day - show you any interest?"

The girl shook her head, gently setting the book down, besides the two. "He wrote me enough to keep up appearances, and invited me to a ball, and asked me to tea a few times. The letters were bland and pointless, he treated me like I was a nothing more than a curtain on the wall at the ball we attended, and at tea, he never seemed interested in what I had to say...only what he did, and always cut me off like what I was about to say was an annoyance or something."

"He _what?!"_ Aster asked Lizzy, clearly stunned by the news. "How on earth did he ever think that was a proper way to treat a lady?"

"I don't know...I'm just as confused as you are. If Ciel didn't want to spend time with me, then why even make an effort if you're going to treat me like I'm a ghost?" She said, biting the inside of her cheek. "Not only that, but he always seemed quite...miffed with me, to say the least."

"Why's that? Last I checked, before the mess with the music hall, you hadn't seen him since we were ten!" Aster asked, flabbergasted, looking at the girl.

"I'm not quite sure, but it has something to do with you...not that I blame you for anything, because I don't. And either way, it doesn't matter what he or anyone thinks, anyways. This is about us, okay, Aster? That's all that matters. I promised myself that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, preferably without that horrid demon of yours, and I plan to make it happen!"

"And I don't doubt it. From the way you're talking, I have confidence that maybe, just maybe, there's a tiny sliver of hope that something can be done about this....rather mad situation...hopefully."

"That's the spirit!" Lizzy chuckled, resting a hand on the younger teen's shoulder, causing Aster to give her a sort of a joking half-smile. 

"Whatever...let just hope that this plan of your's works!"


	12. escape through the backdoor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's late in the afternoon, and Lau's opium den, for once, is seemingly completely deserted. 
> 
> Time for a break in the great outdoors! - er...assuming they can get past the looming crowds without a hitch, that is.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Lizzy?" Aster asked with a nervous sigh, as he looked up and down the busy street, his dark blue hood draped over him and completely covering his face for safety. 

Grabbing the younger teen's hand, Lizzy giggled and grabbed the younger boy's hand, pulling Aster close to her side. "Oh calm down, Aster! You have a hood, and you're not wearing an eyepatch - we just need to move fast enough, and before you know it, we'll be in the flower fields!" 

"Well...only if you say so..." Aster replied, giving the older girl an awkward shrug as they rushed past several stands in the market place. "What happens if they find out it's me, though? What do I do...? I don't think we ever went over that!" he said, clearly terrified.

Lizzy sighed and led Aster onto the next street. "Don't worry, alright? I'll protect you! You know that, right?"

"I know..." 

"Hey, it's going to be alright, okay, dear?" 

Aster looked up, giving the girl a soft nod, earning a smile from the beaming lady, who held him even closer than before.

"Good," Lizzy said with a gentle giggle, giving Aster a light kiss on the cheek. "Just twenty or so more minutes, okay?" she said, before grabbing his hand once again and yanking him to the side

\- practically pulling it out of its socket due to the sheer force exerted by the girl.

_"Fuck!"_ Aster cursed in a harsh whisper, ripping his arm away from Lizzy's grasp. "Do pardon my lang-guage," the boy sputtered, biting his bottom lip, attempting to suppress his urge to scream in pain and burst into tears - failing miserably. 

Tears started to leak from the teen's eyes as he grabbed his shoulder, awkwardly rubbing it, attempting to reduce the pain. "What was _that_ for?" 

"S-Someone was looking our way, I'm sorry!" Lizzy stammered, her cheeks flushing a bright pink. She looked down, clearly embarrassed as well as ashamed that she had managed to put her beau in more pain than in addition to what he had already been going through in the first place. "I didn't mean to pull you so hard! Honest, I didn't know it was going to be so...jerky!" 

The younger teen shook his head, clutching his shoulder as he took a few shaky breathes, trying to control his emotions. "I-It's fine, I assure you...If it means no one is following us, or anything of the sort, I'm fine with it." He looked up, tears streaming down his face. "Let's j-just get a move on, alright? I don't want to be out longer than w-we have to!"

Reaching out to Aster, Lizzy gently wiped his tears away before giving him another kiss on the bridge of his nose. "I'm so, so sorry..."

"It's alright..." Aster assured her, giving her a pained smile. 

The boy gently took ahold of Lizzy's right hand with his good side, and they continued on their way.

As they walked together, hand in hand, they passed many buildings, as well as people...one rather /concerning/ thing they both noticed was just what they had all had been talking about...

** _"Earl Ciel Phantomhive's Imposter, his younger brother, is on the run from Scotland Yard..."_ **

Walking past a woman and man discussing the issue, Aster shuttered in fear. Just one look at his face, and he'd be tossed right in the goal! - Oh, what a time to be Ciel Phantomhive's younger brother!

"Who would do such a thing? Stealing your brother's identity? All those murders?"

"Either way, It's maddening! Have you looked at the papers, Mary Ann? This is a child we're talking about! - A child, did all this! Can you believe it?!"

Aster clung to Lizzy, shielding his face as the two walked briskly past. "What a joy," he said as the older girl took a moment to catch a glimpse of the couple's face, before turning her head back. "It's nice to know that everyone and their bloody mother is out and about, talking about me!"

"Are you surprised, though? With that photo Pitt released, your brother with his big fat mouth and Scotland Yard...forgive my language, up to your arse, I'm surprised that not _everyone_ is!" 

Passing a few children on the street, Lizzy noticed that they were getting closer to their destination!_ 'Thank God,'_ she thought with a sigh as they walked past several more people while pulling Aster closer, trying her best to protect his face. _'It's ridiculous that we even have to do this! Gosh, if it wasn't for Ciel and my big mouth, we would have been able to walk normally - no, scratch that - take a carriage, rather than ruining these horrible shoes!' God, if it wasn't for me then-'_

"You alright, Elizabeth?"

"Huh?"

"You've been rather quiet for a while...and you like really...irritated. Is something on your mind?"

"No, I'm fine..."

"Are you sure? You sound like you're lying."

"You're one to talk, Mister Phantomhive..."

Aster looked up and immediately stopped in his tracks. He crossed his arms and gave her a look. "Drop the attitude, Lizzy. Something's bothering you, and I want to help you! Now, is everything alright?"

"It's nothing, I assure you! Let's just-"

_"Lizzy,"_ Aster started. _"Stop it."_

Lizzy stopped and sighed, taking a deep breath before turning back to her boyfriend. "I'm...sorry, Aster. It's just that a _lot_ is on my mind if you can imagine. "I just feel horrible for everything. All this bloody mess could have been prevented, you know! I could have stopped Ciel from hurting you! I could have said something other than 'oh, yes, Aster is a big, fat liar that deserves jail time, even though he doesn't because I'm a selfish, horrible person!' God, everything is a mess, I-"

"Lizzy-"

"I can't believe myself! Why, if I could go back in time I'd-"

"Lizzy!"

"I would smack myself and-"

_"LIZZY!"_ Aster whispered harshly, making sure to pull her aside, into a nearby alley so no one see them. "Please calm down...it's alright you acted the way you did, okay? I understand! If anyone should feel bad, it's me. I'm the one that us into this mess, anyhow! I was the one that lied!"

"So?! It doesn't matter: you had good reason to...you were scared that we would be unhappy, and you were right! We treated you all horribly! - You didn't deserve-"

Aster took a deep breath, and with his hands, he grabbed Lizzy by the chin and pulled her closer, and kissed her. 

For a moment, to both teens, it had felt as if the world itself had come to a complete standstill as the stood there, in each other's arms. 

Lizzy blushed madly and pulled away, covering her face with her hands._ 'Did he? Oh dear, am I dreaming? Did he really...?'_ she looked back up at Aster, her face still flaming red and her heart pounding like a drum, feeling like she was about to fall over at any moment. "I'm sorry..." the girl whispered, hugging him tightly. "I'm just...I feel horrible...You know how much I love you...I'm just really stressed...everything's a mess!"

Aster shrugged and chuckled softly as he gently took hold of her hand, and through the many back alleys, they continued their way to the fields. "It really is, isn't it?" he asked, just as they made it into the edge of the forest. "It's going to be fine, though."

"Why do you say that, Aster?"

"Because,"

"Because why?" 

The teen grinned, and taking her hand, they ran through the woods and to the clearing, finally making it to their destination. "We'll be together, and when we're together, nothing can stop us!"

"You know, you sound strangely optimistic," Lizzy commented, a soft giggle escaping her lips as she bent down and picked a star-shaped, beautiful purple flower. 

"Well, why wouldn't I? You're with me, and I'm not claiming to be Ciel anymore. It was tiring being someone that was already gone, and treating myself as if I was the one who died..."

"It sounds like it. I'd hate to have to do that..." she agreed, nodding. "I'm glad, though. It makes me really happy that you're finally you!"

Aster shrugged and smiled, taking a moment for once to take in the scenery around him, Lizzy wandering off for a bit to pick flowers before finally trotting back, an impressive armful of the same purple flowers in her arms as before.

"Sit down!" Lizzy ordered, smiling as she sat down, dumping the mound of flowers on the floor.

"What are we doing?" Aster asked, doing as ordered. "Are you going to choke me with flowers or something?"

Lizzy let out a laugh and shook her head, enveloping the younger teen in a warm hug. "No, silly! - turn this way!"

He did so, giggling as Lizzy brushed a few strands of his grey-blue hair out of eyes, and pulling off his hood. 

"You see these?" Lizzy asked, showing Aster the purple flowers she picked. "Their Asters!"

"You have to be kidding me," Aster said with a laugh, as Lizzy shook her head, giggling.

"Nope!" She said, smiling. "Their lovely, aren't they? Like little stars!" 

Lizzy grabbed another one of the flowers - a considerably bigger one out of the bunch, and got atop her knees, facing her beau. "Now, sit still!" 

Taking the flower, she used her other, freehand and brushed a few stray strands of Aster's hair out of the way, and gently placed the beautiful thing in his hair. "I'm going to make you look like a prince - just like in our stories we read as children!"

"Me? the prince? Wasn't Ciel always the prince when we acted them out, though?"

She stared at him, before shaking her head. "That was then - _you're_ the prince now, Aster. _My prince..."_


End file.
